Nina thought she was in love – then she learned what abusive relationships look like
A Murray Bridge woman has shared her harrowing story for the first time at an anti-domestic violence event.
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A one-off question from her mum might have saved Nina D’Alton’s life.
Nina and her first boyfriend fell in love at the age of 14, when they were both at high school in Murray Bridge.
At least, she thought it was love.
He was kind, funny and passionate at first, she remembered.
Nobody else understood her like he did … or that’s what he wanted her to think, anyway.
He would make little comments about her appearance, making her question her own worth.
He talked about wanting kids with her.
He talked about hurting her, though he never did.
Not at first.
When Nina told others about the threats he had made, they didn’t believe her – after all, they were “end goals”, the model couple in their friend group.
The first time he knocked her unconscious, she woke up apologising, telling him he’d done nothing wrong.
She had to promise that she would never leave him.
Then, one day, her mum asked the fateful question.
Was she happy?
After three years, she realised her so-called love had blinded her to the fact that her boyfriend was also her abuser.
They broke up.
Her friends all took his side.
This was what abusive relationships looked like in the 21st century, Ms D’Alton explained at an anti-domestic violence event in Murray Bridge on Friday.
Patterns of abuse started at a young age, and not all perpetrators, or victims, were grown-ups.
Escaping that first relationship did not get her out of the woods, either – her second boyfriend, seven years older than her, was just as violent as the first.
“I was convinced that I would never truly feel loved unless it was abusive,” she said.
“At the end of the day, neither relationship was always bad … sometimes I felt intensely loved and worshipped.
“I thought a love so all-consuming could only be accompanied by manipulation, mind games and physical violence.”
About 100 people gathered at the Place of Courage, at Sturt Reserve, to hear from Ms D’Alton and other speakers.
All present were encouraged to yell as loudly as they could about how they wouldn’t condone or commit acts of violence against women and children, and would speak out against them.
Schoolchildren shout no to domestic violence in Murray Bridge on Friday. Video: Peri Strathearn.
The event was organised by the Murray Bridge Domestic Violence Awareness Group and supported by the Murray Bridge Regional Collaboration on Violence Against Women and Children, Mobilong Rotary Club and the local council.
It was timed to coincide with the United Nations’ 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, following the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women on November 25.
Awareness group member Tim Law announced that 44 Australian women had been killed by their partners so far in 2025 – “too many”.
Ultramarathon runner Kai Martin spoke about his plans for another Run for DV in 2026, and how the $67,000 he raised earlier this year was already helping local women.
Centacare, which supported survivors of violence, had used $10,000 to get women into hotel rooms, put fuel in their cars and book them storage units as they escaped abusive relationships.
More would go to early education programs in schools, teaching teenagers what respectful relationships looked like.
He encouraged anyone with ideas about how to spend the money to get in touch.
For her part, Ms D’Alton said was in a better place now, and in a truly loving relationship with her “golden retriever” partner.
Her message to anyone who recognised themselves in her story?
“Love can be, and should be, safe, supportive and build you up, not tear you down,” she said.
“I promise there are good people out there who will lift you up and help you grow.
“There is nothing wrong with you, you are not broken or damaged, and I promise it gets better.”
- Get help: Visit the Haven at Murray Bridge Community Centre between 9am and 4pm on weekdays, or the DVINA Centre at 1 Standen Street, Murray Bridge; call the Domestic Violence Crisis Line on 1800 737 732, or Murray Mallee Adelaide Hills Domestic Violence Service on 8228 8960; or, in an emergency, dial 000.
- Contact Kai Martin: Find him on Facebook or visit kaisrunfordv.sublimedigital.net.
